Words Of We: Why Do We Hate Other People?

Let’s be honest here. We’ve all been there. We’ve all said some things. Maybe in private, maybe straight to somebody else’s face, maybe we didn’t say anything at all, but we all felt it. We all lived it. And perhaps, we all received it. The feeling of hating somebody.

Hating with passion, hating just because, or hating because certain someone moved the needles in our brain that our bodies just couldn’t handle.

Oh, to be fueled by hate. And to be shot down by hate. It’s really quite an interesting emotion.

But why do we hate other people when we don’t really have a reason to hate them at all?

You may also say ‘dislike’ - but there’s always an envy look when you see them around.

All of that accumulates into something more powerful that can simply be equated to hate.

You don’t cheer when they’re doing good. You don’t say anything when they win big. You don’t congratulate them when they do the same things that you congratulated yourself for - but you never miss an opportunity to catch them when they fall. And when they do fall - you drop all that silence you had before for a shareable moment of your very well collected personal opinion.

Does that sound familiar? It really is. Maybe not in your own personal experience, but definitely in the circles surrounding you.

But where is all that hate coming from? Why do we make a point of hating somebody when they never do anything to physically or emotionally hurt us?

Why do we still envy somebody even when they’re out of reach and completely unaware of our existence? How can you hate somebody you don’t know?

Are there people hating you and you don’t even know?

It really is a great mystery.

I was thinking about this recently and I asked myself the same question - why do we hate other people when we don’t really have the merit to hate them?

Is it the way they talk? Doesn’t sound like a good enough reason to hate somebody.

Is it the way they dress? Doesn’t sound like a good enough reason to hate somebody.

Is it their opinion? If you hate their opinion, somebody may hate yours too. And that doesn't sound like a good enough reason to hate somebody.

You see something in them that you dislike. What is it?

Think of all the things that you don’t like about them and ask yourself - is it in any way preventing you from living your best life?

If the answer is yes - find the why and deal with it with the help of trusted support and authorities.

If the answer is no - keep listening. To yourself. Listen to your thoughts that come up when you think of them and what feelings it brings you. There’s usually something that correlates with what you’re personally lacking in your life.

Is it respect? Is it attention? Is it freedom to speak? Is it expressiveness? Is it the ability to connect to other people?

Find that lack and work on it internally. Usually, when you fill that gap nobody that expresses that past trigger will impact your mood or opinion towards them. You will no longer seek to hate, you’ll just congratulate them on being on the same vibration even if it’s on a different path. And that’s the root of it. Looking at yourself before hating another.

We’re also very guilty of hating people that we don’t understand.

Our whole population usually comes in cohorts of different minded people and each of them may find one another strange or plainly idiotic. We may not understand the way other people choose to live their lives or make important life decisions, just as they wouldn’t understand you and your ways of being.

But being on that other end, would it feel good to be constantly judged and hated on just because you choose to live your life true to yourself?

It really is a mindset shift. The people won’t change for you. But your perspective can.

We have quite a few species of weird looking flowers, plants, fruits, animals, fishes, trees but we don’t eliminate them just because we don’t find them pretty or edible.

We let it be, and let it live. Somebody else may find them very attractive, or tasty. Or even both.

Just like you go past some vegetables in the store without throwing them on the ground, learn to walk past other people that you don’t see eye to eye. You don’t need to stare them down. Respect their space and their lives. They may even admire you, yet unknowingly that you strongly dislike them. Imagine their disappointment when they find out that someone they admire hates them just because. We often forget that the other person has feelings too.

Your anger takes first place and becomes the only emotion that matters, but have you ever had the feeling of being hated on? You may not know it, but you will definitely feel it.

The vibration is too strong to not be felt. It weighs you down. You start questioning yourself. You start questioning your worth.

You only can be as strong on a good day, but what about the bad days?

What about the days when the morning had delivered you some absolutely heartbreaking news? What about the days of silent struggle?

You never know what somebody else is going through.

We’re not here alone. Our own emotions are not the only ones that matter. We’ve always been a tribe and before the technology we used to talk more. To each other. We didn’t compete as much or tried to prove who’s better. We just lived and tried to get by with whatever we had.

Now it takes 5 seconds to receive hate from half of the population. Just because you shared the way you like to spend your evenings. It’s not how we are. We’re better than this.

We don’t need to automatically hate people just because you see the masses hating them too. For what reasons? This is the unity that’ll never last. If it’s not that person, you’ll find another one to hate on as soon as the first one fades away.

Hate is not a sport, most certainly not a hobby. It’s the example we set for our families, friends and children. If all they see is hate, how do we dare to question their behaviour when they grow up? This is the environment that we’ve formed for them. They developed from our systems and our communication styles. We are responsible, and we must do better.

But how do we turn it around? How do we stop the hate from spreading?

Well, as with everything else, start with yourself. Check your mouth and check your families too. Be the voice of reason.

It doesn’t hurt to also start practising words of affirmation to other people. Children do well in schools when they’re well rewarded and see the progress of their work. They care about the grades and what the teacher thinks. They also care what their parents think.

Grown up people lose that when they grow up. Nobody is telling them good job, or ‘I’m so proud of you”. Nobody is cheering them up for even mundane things, but to them they are very important. It’s not only childbirth and marriage that should be celebrated. People have many milestones they hit, even with things that don’t seem as big or cerebral. Maybe it’s years of being sober, maybe it’s starting over, maybe it’s forgiveness, maybe it’s coming out of the closet or finally speaking up.

Maybe they’ve started playing the instrument, or they started painting, maybe they successfully remodeled their kitchen, or maybe they’re finally debt free.

It just takes a few words to say something nice when somebody is doing great.

And with the people you’re not friendly with - stop yourself from automatically assuming negative thoughts. Let it pass and say ‘well, good for them’. Your brain will pick it up and learn to be more positive towards them because you’ve already shown compassion.

And quite frankly, I would also strongly encourage you to explore the people you dislike in more detail. A different perspective is not always bad, you just have to be more open to hear it. Sometimes you can take some gems back with you once you learn to move past the predetermined impression of them.

We all have so much to offer to the world and in the areas you struggle, someone else may excel. And where you are a definite leader - there’s potential to become a teacher.

It’s usually through teaching moments we start to understand other people better and see the way they see the world because now they have a space to explain themselves without interruption.

Be a teacher that leads, and a teacher that leads by example.

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