Words Of We: Why Do We Always Try To Fit In A Box?

Picture this. There’s a box in a room and you’re in it. You don’t know who put it there or who ordered you to get inside, but yet you’re still in it.

How did the box get there? What draw you to it and why do you think you need to be inside of that box?

Do you even like the box?

What if you get out of it? Is there someone controlling the box that would demand you to go inside? Who would that be? Maybe you?

Well, it is probably you, and you can get out.

The box I’m talking about is your own mindset. The mindset that materializes into actual boxes that is your life. The box of lifestyle, the box of status, the box of wealth.

It does start in the mindset but it quickly overtakes your life and any decisions you make.

The most famous box ever created is: be born, get a degree, get married, have children. That’s it.

While there’s nothing wrong with it and some people do prefer this way of living, the majority of us were not meant to be boxed into a life that has no other purpose or space for growth of our character. Some of us may not want the mentioned things at all and that is totally fine.

Yet your personal choices may trigger the minds of your parents or caretakers because they’re too trying to fit you in a box that they were also put by their own parents. It’s like a box in another box and a smaller box and a box of a box. Really, too many boxes.

I’ve also had this great opportunity of being stuck in a box. Quite an experience. You work towards building your life yet nothing works. Simply, because you don’t fit in the box but nobody tells you that, they expect you to fasten up and push yourself in. That’s how we’ve always done it.

Then one day it becomes clear. Do I really have to be in this box? You ask yourself.

Have I tried stepping out? No. But I’m also scared. What would happen if I did? Would the world fall in shambles? Or something else would go horribly wrong?

And then you decide to do it and it turns out that life is exactly the same. Only brighter I guess. The work is flowing better. The mood is lighter. The connections feel more authentic. You feel like yourself and you swear to never get in that box again.

But what now? Am I allowed to build my own box? What if that box never existed before and my family will judge me?

Well, we didn’t have smartphones before and it sure as hell looked weird when it first appeared but now we cannot imagine our life without it. The same goes with pineapple on pizza. I couldn't imagine myself enjoying it but someone stepped outside of the box and said: I like it! So it shall be. And it was.

Creating your own lane is scary and often uncertain, but the beauty of trying is that it really leads to great results or even greater lessons.

You may even try to follow someone else’s path of unconventional boxes and you may find a home there, but what happens if there’s no one like you? How do you find a box for yourself?

I guess by creating it.

Unique places tend to attract unique characters. What once was a silent place has the possibility of becoming the greatest movement.

You may awaken a few souls that were too searching for home.

And as scary as it sounds it really is doable.

But why do we always try so hard to see if we can fit into something that already exists? Why do we see no other option, just to follow the path that was already paved?

How come we say no to adventure and just choose what’s easy?

Would it become easier if someone else was walking with you? It probably would but we don't always have the people that are for us available. They still come, but at a later stage. Maybe even when you find your own path.

But before that, you still try to fit into what’s known. It feels good because it’s comfortable. It’s been lived and tested and we don’t need to stress.

The box is also already accepted by many so you don’t need to worry what other people will think. They too are doing the same so both of you will not judge one another, maybe just compete.

I think it’s natural to want to go with what’s accepted because this is a known area of how we can belong and connect with one another. And maybe it’s even healthy to try. It may teach you discipline and consistency.

But the validation that you’ll get from fitting into that box will only be temporary. That moment of success will pass and no one will look at that box. It will be just you, in that room, staying in a box and questioning how you even got there.

But the box that you would create, which in theory is not even a box, but a lane with roads and circles, would feel like your own and you may never want to get out of it.

You’d feel like you belong and you’d want to build further. It wouldn’t even feel like something that is limiting you. It would expand you.

Your thoughts, opinion, lifestyle - would be your own. Your dreams - your own. Your life flow - 100% your own.

Everything would flow in its own time and your life wouldn’t end after hitting a few significant achievements.

You wouldn’t even feel that you age. Time would become one with your essence and it would just be a matter of when you’re eating dinner or have to meet a friend.

The present is ever flowing. It circulates back and forth showing you the days you remember and the days you hope to see.

When you’re restricted - living in someone else’s timeline - the time becomes limiting. It feels like you’re aging because you don’t feel like you’re doing something you enjoy. You may even feel stuck, and on some days like you’ve lost years in a day. The clock would become something you look at constantly. The days would be for passing, not for living.

It’s the picture of a life that none of us should have to live.

We cannot turn back time but we also don’t need to wait any longer.

Our parents made decisions for us the best they could.

We made decisions for ourselves following that.

Now we’re setting a new example of a life that we’d want our children to live. Not expecting, but wanting. If they choose something else - it’s completely up to them.

Though it doesn’t mean that only they get to live on their own terms. We do too.

While it could be uncomfortable to change when you’re 45 years old in front of the people that knew you for the entirety of your life, it should be even more uncomfortable to live a life that is truly not yours.

It may be a dream for them, but it’s not for you and that is ok.

We’re all different and we must embrace our calling. You can still have a wonderful integration within your community even if you’ve started doing different things. Some differences bring perspective.

Yet if you no longer feel like you belong - there are many other communities that would love to have you and would truly see you for who you are.

What’s more heartbreaking than not being accepted by the community that you’ve always been surrounded with is to live a life that is not yours. You’ll struggle in silence and in the end that silence will shut you off for good.

You have to remember that there are people that would love to hear your voice. But they will never know you, the real you, not until you make yourself known.

And to make yourself known you have to step out of that box.

Build something that is of you and feels like home even when no one is visiting. It’s that comfort of knowing that you will never need to pretend and all you say will be just all you say and you will never have to second guess it.

I’m throwing my box out, I hope you do too.

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