Words Of We: Why Are We So Afraid Of The Dark?

It seems that every time the light goes off the child is scared. The moment the night comes on, the dark sets in. Yin and yang. The light and the dark, but no one ever wants to talk about the dark.

Perhaps it carries something we don’t understand yet or too closely associate with death. It must be why we’re so scared right? The worst thing is death. But what if we saw that same darkness for more than what it seems to be?

Something that is full of depth and raw emotion. Unmasked and unspoken. The entirety of your soul at its growing stage and at a dying stage. The ultimate energy source.

We shine not because somebody is pointing the light at us, we shine because we’re taking that light from somewhere. And that has to be the dark. The generator.

What’s interesting to me is that if you’d look around most people would push you to focus only on what’s positive and good. “Focus on the bright side” they would say. But that’s only half of me. I am both sides. The light could not live without the dark so is my best qualities would not exist if it wasn’t for those annoying things that I’ve tried so hard to change. I had to start from somewhere. The ignition came from annoyance. Or despair. At least, it motivated me.

We tend to run away from the darkness feeling that it will somehow absorb us and we will never see the light of day, but the day was never to be had if you didn’t experience the fall that made you appreciate it all so much. We could keep on going but we would still end up at the same point of seeing that everything came from that dark place that in my eyes was never that dark. It was brewing.

Of course, it would not be right to say that the darkness is as holy as the light. They both have their particular qualities which by extent could go into extremes and that is never healthy. Sometimes we get stuck in that negative field or how I like to call it a ‘dark cloud’ and we wander there for days, maybe months, or years. It can take over if you let it. But at the same time you could ask - if we’re this aware that it is the darkness, why do we stay there? Why don’t we just leave?

Well, because for us it’s still a home. Dark or light it’s a part of who we are, it’s our comfort. The things we know and remember. The things we’ve experienced. It’s familiar. You don’t leave yourself when you retrieve into darkness, you just abandon the other side that makes it all worth it. It can get confusing, I know, but it becomes much clearer when you understand that it’s a very big part of who you are.

When we’re born we’re not yet ready to comprehend our soul and our mission so we’re bursting with light and love which in a way helps other people to remember the joy and pureness of the heart. It balances the world.

When we become a little bit older we start to understand more and connect to our inner knowing - our soul. We’re shaped by the experiences in our physical world just as much as we’re shaped by the experiences we brought over, or maybe from what our parents instilled in us while waiting for us, and raising us. We’re constantly shaped by our external experiences. The amount of energy we absorb throughout our lives is astonishing. We should all learn to recycle it better. But if we don’t know how yet, it gets stored and it affects our mood and wellbeing. It’s natural to form feelings from things that you absorb. Everyone of us is a reflection of our world.

Over time as we grow into more responsible adults we come to realise the dark parts of us and others, we start separating the light from the dark and keep avoiding the latter. Dark is bad. It’s scary. Or at least that’s what you’ve been told your whole life.

And then something happens. An actual death or loss occurs. It breaks your heart. It makes you question your whole life as you know it. You lean into that grief and you enter darkness. You look for ways to escape and you keep on escaping. You tell yourself that there is no way you could stay in that darkness. It’s bad. It’s a part of you that you don't want to see and the feelings that you don’t want to feel.

It is all understandable. The first face off with the dark is hectic. It’s like running from an open fire. You don’t want to get burnt.

Yet you realise that the fire isn’t going out any time soon - it’s still hot, then warm. Nothing can put it out. It’s there.

That’s when you come face to face again. The second time. More brave and determined to put it out. You struggle a bit but you keep telling yourself that you can make this go away. It gets chill. Then you think: “Finally, it’s out. I’m healed.”

Well, give it a few months. The flame is back again and so be it it’s much hotter this time. A moment of confusion crosses your head and you don’t understand what’s happening. Why is it worse than it was before? “I thought I put it out.”

Yes, you’ve tried to eliminate yourself. That cannot be done.

After that, many unsuccessful attempts and tries, successes and disappointments - all by still trying to live your life normally while there’s an internal havoc happening inside your head.

But only until you decide to come for a final face off - this time with curiosity. “Show me who I am and what are you hiding here.”

This unlocks the door. You’re in. The fire was an illusion. The light has been sharing the room with the dark all this time, like brother and sister. And you, the parent, just had to learn that both of your children can never be the same and you have to learn to love them individually. With their flaws and differences.

The dark has shown you that every experience that you ever had was worth it. Some hurt more than the other but in the end it brought you forward. There’s no right or fair either in light or dark. There’s only ‘that is’. It’s just how it is. Sometimes things happen and there’s no explanation as to why. There’s no logical excuse. No hypothetical insight as to how that would make you a better person. No pluses nor disadvantages. It’s just ‘is’.

The dark also shows you that everyone else has it too. Their experience might not be similar to yours but they too get lost at the bottom of the dark only sometimes they don’t know how to get up.

None of us do. We just try. And try. And try.

We live for that better day. Or look for another shoe to drop. To be scared of the dark is to live in a mental jail. None of us can predict when something bad will happen nor can we prevent it. To protect yourself from all the potential risk is to stop living life as you know it.

The dark moves with you every step of the way. Once you learn to walk in between two sides is the moment you learn to alchemize your pain.

Use what’s dragging you down to lift you up. See what you’re missing to know where you can add. And notice the parts that you don’t like about yourself so you can start appreciating that in others, and later on, naturally, in yourself.

Once you befriend the dark you go through life undefeated. Meaning, nothing is as scary as knowing your ‘dark self’. Life is easier when things are not that scary. You’re a better friend, and a sibling, and a partner when you can help someone else deal with their dark too. But not in a way of telling somebody to hide it, but in helping them see it as an integral part of who they are. They just need to learn to control it.

I’ve personally found the dark to be an unlimited source of inspiration for my creativity. At some point, I thought that I’d be able to write it all out and it will end. The memories would be forgotten and there wouldn’t be any more left. Well, It turns out I was wrong about that. The dark lives and it’s not based on memories. It’s the human experience and a different set of emotions that we don’t always get to feel when we’re happy. It’s the nostalgia, the heartbreak, the pain, the grief, missing somebody, wanting somebody, wanting something, being existential, being paranoid, being sexual, being unhinged, being lost or feeling like absolutely nothing.

If I were to ask whether I’d ever want to eliminate these feelings with no coming back? I’d refuse. As much as I had moments where I’ve begged for these emotions to be taken away - I wouldn’t want that anymore. They’re a part of who I am and my essence can only survive from the variety of feelings and episodes that I get from both the light and the darkness.

The finest line is to not cross over to where it hurts other people, or your own self. As I said, the extremes exist on both ends and like with anything in the world too much of one thing is too much.

The mastery of life is learning to walk in between two worlds while still holding your sanity. The dark and light meets in you. If you ever trip over - look in the mirror and remember that you’re still here. No one left and no one entered. The energies just mixed and you have to slow your breathing to sort them out. The dark ain’t got nothing to do with it. Close the curtains and go to sleep. You’ll be greeted with light.

Irma Vado

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